I wrote this reflection not so long ago. Since then we have been blessed with the birth of another daughter, our 3rd child. I aim to keep it in mind daily.
When my son was about three I remember walking with my Dad and him down a forest path. My son had long uncut hair, was carrying a staff and pacing about 15 meters ahead, fearless and curious.
I turned to my father and said.. “I can’t believe that this awesome being is my son”. He replied.. “I look at you and feel the same every time I do too!”
My son and daughter are now almost 14 and 11 and I too still feel the same when I look at each of them, in fact I have taught myself to remember that even each time I think of them.
Finding a balance between protective care and best intentions, instruction or advice, and how to allow them to grow through their own experiences as a result of their own choices is a journey.
Finding a balance between ‘training’ them (as in to do as told) and ‘educating’ them such that they can make their own best (or bad) decisions authentically demands much of my conscious restraint.
My paternal urge to care and protect – without being connected to or having respect for their own individual needs to grow and learn on their own, each on their own path demands consistent and conscious work.
I am confident that I do some things ‘right’. I am completely confident that I screw other things up.
Our every action, every response, every word to our children has profound impact and effect.
Being present to my way of being, authentic and honest in my commitment to allow and encourage my children to be who ‘they’ are, not who I ‘want’ them to be is my focus.
I am a guide. I am a child. I am a man. I am awesome. I am Dad. I have work.